Updated: May 27, 2020
Does the term "never runner" sound negative?
Does it make you want to fix or correct?
Or does it let you exhale in safety?
Or does it even make you laugh joyfully in relatedness?
There is a great divide between the first two possible responses and the simultaneous toxic relationship between the two is where there is a calling to put this front and center and shed some light.
The space where someone is holding in a “never” is tender, delicate and fortified by fear for safety from the onslaught of fixing attitudes. The well intentioned “stronger” outsider wants to throw ropes for rescue. And if the “never” person doesn’t want or trust the offered “rescue” the outsider deems them guilty of their own suffering and most likely expresses shame subtly or blatantly toward them. The “never” person continues to hold tight to their never and fear for sheer survival. Or more likely the “never” person occasionally succumbs to the outside’s pressures, but without it coming from the “never’s” heart it is futile and rather than empowering as intended it breaks the “never’s” trust with him/herself (probably not for the first or last time).
Let’s imagine a different reality.
The person holding in a “never” is finally safe by their own standards-completely, indefinitely and irreversibly safe. There is no outside threat to fear, no uncontrollable outside force to throw them to the wolves of their never. The air is clear and peaceful, not polluted with the damning chatter of being wrong, weak and needing to change. The air has been clear for so long that the “never” person hears his/her own thoughts, no longer overrun with arguments of defense. The “never” person’s heart is whole following the cosmic gravity of his/her own heart's desire, no longer suffering from disorientation and dismay caused by breaking trust with him/herself. The “never” person allowing him/herself to openly be a “never” person can let the “never” go, no longer needing it for protection. He/she knows that it is only his/her own heart which reigns and controls and permits entry to his/her kingdom. This person is redeemed as a whole person not a broken weak person by allowing him/herself to be just as they are right at this moment without judgement, condemnation or shame. The “never’s” world is now free and so are they.
Indefinite untouchable safe spaces are the sacred kingdoms where a person can finally reconnect with their inherent power and set themselves free whatever the oppressor(s) may be- external and internal.
The power that pours from the safe space builds strength and confidence so this whole person can pursue new paths of his/her choosing. Guides and resources are acquired and dismissed as far as they are helpful. So the journey continues for life.
When someone feels truly, deeply, heart-understood free, any path their heart desires is possible. And they walk it powerfully, with their whole spirit, inspired by their whole heart to a limitless end.
Never runners all along the spectrum: welcome, feel safe. Non never runners, if this threatens your sense of right, seek to understand not to fix.
When someone thinks you need fixing and rescuing it sets a foundational mindset that you are broken. Wherever you are in your journey you are not broken. Whatever “never” you may secretly or openly hold, you are wholely you and that is perfect, because it is now, it the only ground you ever are truly standing on. Both visualizations (of future and ideals) as well as learnings (from past) are powerful, but they are tools to use for the ground you stand on now. Embrace your now so you can live today and step intentionally into tomorrow.